A Little About Me
You know the crust around the corners of your eyes,
The kind that you find when you wake up in the morning?
That’s how annoying I am, or so my older brother says.
I once head-butted a boy in the schoolyard and walked away
With a stream of blood running down my forehead.
I think he called me slanty-eyes; I don’t quite remember.
My epitaph will read: “Coming soon.”
I’d rather not choose between punching or kicking
A baby in the face. I’m horrible with children.
My old house had a big willow tree with a tire swing,
And young teenagers would come at night to make out.
I know, because I used to watch them from my window.
Right before I die, I want to throw the most extravagant funeral shower
Because no one ever forgets a good party, and for the finale,
I will be wheel-chaired, naked, out of a gigantic strawberry cake.