A Little About Me

You know the crust around the corners of your eyes,

The kind that you find when you wake up in the morning?

That’s how annoying I am, or so my older brother says.

I once head-butted a boy in the schoolyard and walked away

With a stream of blood running down my forehead.

I think he called me slanty-eyes; I don’t quite remember.

My epitaph will read: “Coming soon.”

I’d rather not choose between punching or kicking

A baby in the face. I’m horrible with children.

My old house had a big willow tree with a tire swing,

And young teenagers would come at night to make out.

I know, because I used to watch them from my window.

Right before I die, I want to throw the most extravagant funeral shower

Because no one ever forgets a good party, and for the finale,

I will be wheel-chaired, naked, out of a gigantic strawberry cake.

Westwind